The Top Ten
Relational Needs
We are hard-wired to connect — but we don't always know how. Understanding relational needs is the foundation for building great relationships at home, at work, at school, and in faith.
Drawn from the "one another" passages of Scripture — Galatians 6:2, 2 Corinthians 1:3–4, Romans 15:7
What are relational needs?
God created us to need each other.
Just as we have physical needs like air and water, and spiritual needs like forgiveness and peace, we also have relational needs. Our needs for attention, respect, appreciation, and encouragement can only be met in relationship with God or other people.
The exciting truth is that God meets each of these needs for us — giving us the perfect example of how to give to others. When we learn to live out the Top Ten Relational Needs, we experience the kind of great relationships we were made for.
"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."
Galatians 6:2
"Praise be to the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble."
2 Corinthians 1:3–4
Discover your needs
Take the Assessment
We offer age-appropriate assessments to help you learn about the relational needs of everyone in your life. Choose the right one below.
Designed for younger children to discover how they feel most loved and connected.
For teenagers navigating friendships, family, and identity through a relational lens.
Discover your top relational needs and learn how to meet the needs of those around you.
Learn more
The Top Ten Relational Needs
Acceptance
"I love you just the way you are! I'm your friend, even when you mess up."When acceptance is someone's top need, it's important that they are liked even though they might be a little different. It's important that others don't try to change or fix them — they want to know they'll be given a second chance and loved unconditionally.
Affection
"You're really special! I love you. You mean the world to me."When affection is someone's top need, they feel especially loved through physical closeness — hugs, a hand on the shoulder, or simply sitting near someone they care about. Kind, warm words of care go a long way.
Appreciation
"You did a terrific job! Thank you for working hard and pitching in."When appreciation is someone's top need, they feel loved when someone recognizes their effort or accomplishment — noticing what they've done and sharing genuine thanks. Note: appreciation focuses on what a person does, while approval focuses on who they are.
Approval
"I'm proud of you! You have such a kind and generous heart."When approval is someone's top need, they feel especially loved when others affirm their character — acknowledging who they are, not just what they do. They love to hear that someone is proud of the kind of person they're becoming.
Attention
"Tell me about your day. How did your test go? What would you like to do this weekend?"When attention is someone's top need, they feel loved when someone enters their world — calling just to say they were thinking of them, listening without distraction, or showing up for the things that matter to them.
Comfort
"I feel sad with you. I'm so sorry you are going through this."When comfort is someone's top need, they feel loved when others respond to their pain with empathy — sitting quietly beside them, acknowledging their hurt, and simply being present during a difficult time. They don't need fixes; they need someone to feel it with them.
Encouragement
"I believe in you. You've got this. Don't give up — I know you can make it!"When encouragement is someone's top need, they feel loved when others cheer them on toward a goal. A timely note, a call on a big day, or a simple expression of belief can make all the difference.
Respect
"Your ideas are important. What do you think? Will you forgive me?"When respect is someone's top need, it's particularly important for others to communicate that they value the person, their ideas, opinions, and schedule. They appreciate being listened to without interruption and given freedom to do things their own way.
Security
"I'm here for you. We're going to work this out. I will keep my promise."When security is someone's top need, trust is everything. They feel loved in relationships and environments where they feel safe, where promises are kept, and where they know someone will show up for them consistently.
Support
"I'll be glad to help you. Would you like to try the first step together?"When support is someone's top need, they feel loved when someone comes alongside them with gentle, appropriate help — not taking over, but willing to tackle the hard things together or teach them how to accomplish a difficult task.
Go Deeper with the Workbook
The Top Ten Relational Needs workbook dives deep into each need — how Jesus meets them for us, and what it looks like and sounds like to meet the needs of others. Discover the rich potential of relationships when we give to one another.
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